“And yet nobody has ever tendered a satisfactory reason why.”

by Scribe

THAT’S GOLF! 12/22/13 SPORTSTALK AM 1300 THE ZONE (KVET-AM):

WE CALL THIS MEETING OF THE FAT SHOT AND OH NO SOCIETY TO ORDER. ANOTHER CHRISTMAS IN DECEMBER SHOW. THANKS FOR LISTENING.

The part of the Ghost of SportsTalk Present played by Craig Way cardboard cut-out.

The part of the Ghost of SportsTalk Present played by Craig Way cardboard cut-out.

IF YOU’RE WONDERING ABOUT MY ROLE, HERE’S ONE DESCRIPTION:

Spearheading the ongoing assimilation and distribution to the key demographic with information relevant to the identifier’s business and areas of interest. Primarily uses microphone, internet or other research/information resources. Attends to details and arrangements for successful external and internal coordination.

(HUH. I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS….)

MORE SUCCINCTLY, MY ROLE IS DEFINED BY THESE TWO WORDS: ‘YOU’RE AWAY.’

GIVEN THE EARLY HOUR, I TRY TO BREAK YOU IN GENTLY. OUR ENDEAVOR REMAINS TO ENHANCE OUR COLLECTIVE APPRECIATION AND UNDERSTANDING OF GOLF.

YOUR WRITER FOR HIRE, SANTA’S HELPER AND SHAG BOY, VICARIOUSLY WELCOMING YOU AGAIN INTO THE FESTIVE SHAG-ENCRUSTED CONFINES.

AVAILABLE FOR ANY SPECIAL ADVISORY ROLES YOU MAY HAVE – FOR CONSIDERABLY LESS THAN $500,000 A YEAR. CONSIDERABLY LESS.

WE’RE A PRESENTATION OF SPORTSTALK AM 1300 THE ZONE AND YOUR AUSTIN AREA CHURCH OF THE INVETERATE DUFFER. TODAY’S INSPIRATIONAL TEXT COMES FROM CHARLES PRICE AND HIS 1962 BOOK, “THE WORLD OF GOLF.” A CLASSIC BELOVED BY OUR SPECIAL GUEST THIS HOUR. BEN CRENSHAW WILL JOIN US IN THE NEXT SEGMENT.

CHARLES PRICE WAS A STAPLE OF GOLF DIGEST FOR MANY YEARS, AND I HAD THE PLEASURE OF HEARING HIM TELL MANY STORIES ABOUT HAGEN AND JONES AT A NATIONAL GOLF FOUNDATION MEETING IN THE EARLY ’90S. HE WAS THE SORT OF CURMUDGEONLY SCRIBE ONE ASPIRES TO BE.

IN THE INTRODUCTION TO THE WORLD OF GOLF, HE WROTE:

GOLF HAS BEEN PLAYED NOW FOR MORE THAN HALF A MILLENIUM THAT WE KNOW OF AND AT PRESENT IS PLAYED RATHER RELIGIOUSLY BY SOME FIFTEEN MILLIONS ON EVERY CONTINENT IN THE WORLD ON WHICH GRASS WILL GROW. AND YET NOBODY HAS EVER TENDERED A SATISFACTORY REASON WHY. ONE THING IS CERTAIN, THOUGH: NOBODY PLAYS GOLF FOR HIS HEALTH. OF ALL THE LAME EXCUSES PEOPLE GIVE FOR PLAYING THE GAME, THIS ONE IS THE MOST MALADROIT.   

THE MORE YOU LEARN ABOUT GAMES, THE MORE YOU ARE APT TO REALIZE THE NUMBER OF THINGS GOLF DOESN’T HAVE. IT DOESN’T HAVE THE EFFERVESCENT EXCITEMENT WITH WHICH FOOTBALL IS BLESSED. IT HASN’T THE GRAND STRATEGY FROM WHICH BASEBALL LARGELY DERIVES ITS POPULAR APPEAL. IT DOES NOT REQUIRE THE STAMINA OF TENNIS, THE SELF-CONFIDENCE OF BOWLING, THE FINESSE OF BILLIARDS, THE CONCENTRATION OF BRIDGE, THE INTUITION OF CHESS. YET, AT ITS BEST, GOLF COMMANDS ALL THESE THINGS – AND MUCH MORE – SOMETHING WHICH PROBABLY CANNOT BE SAID ABOUT ANY OTHER GAME AND WHICH MAY EXPLAIN WHY GOLF IS PLAYED PASSIONATELY IN COUNTRIES WHERE SUCH HEROES AS BABE RUTH AND RED GRANGE HAVE NEVER BEEN HEARD OF.

 CONTINUES PRICE – TODAY’S INSPIRATIONAL MESSAGE –

WHAT WOULD SEEM TO BE THE SIMPLE ACT OF HITTING A GOLF BALL IS ACTUALLY ONE OF THE CLUMSIEST MOVEMENTS IMAGINABLE, AS ANY GOLFER WHO HAS EVER TRIED TO THINK ABOUT IT WHILE DOING IT WILL TESTIFY. TO A GOLFER IT IS INCREDIBLE WITH WHAT DELIGHTFUL EASE HE CAN LOP OFF THE HEAD OF A DANDELION WITH HIS CLUB AND YET BOBBLE THE SITUATION WHEN CONFRONTED WITH A GOLF BALL. BEN HOGAN, MAYBE THE MOST SCIENTIFIC HITTER OF A GOLF BALL WHO EVER LIVED, HAS EXPLAINED THIS PARADOX BY SAYING THAT THERE IS ABSOLUTELY “NOTHING NATURAL” ABOUT THE GOLF SWING. SO EXCRUCIATINGLY DIFFICULT IS IT, IN FACT, THAT BOOKS WHICH PURPORT TO TELL GOLFERS HOW TO DO IT OUTSELL BOOKS ON ALL OTHER SPORTS COMBINED. “IT IS THIS CONSTANT AND UNDYING HOPE FOR IMPROVEMENT,” AS BRITISH ESSAYIST BERNARD DARWIN PUT IT, “THAT MAKES GOLF SO EXQUISITELY WORTH THE PLAYING.

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